So, as the world holds its breath to find out whether Jimmy Carter will ever trust electronic correspondence again, we’d like to send an open letter to the former President offering a few words that might, just might, help put him at ease with the concept of email once again.
Don’t worry Jimmy, at least they’ll get there.
Now that the NSA has officially promised that they won’t be snooping through your digital outbox, it seems that we can move on to the other shortcomings of email security, particularly when it comes to whether or not those emails are delivered in the first place.
You mentioned, in an interview with Meet the Press, that you often write to foreign heads of state, and we feel that it would be a shame if any of that got lovely email got lost. (We’re not trying to sound like mobsters running a protection racket here, we’re genuinely concerned.)
The good news, Mr. President, is that we can totally help with that. Our email scientists have created a “security gumbo” of the most powerful malware and spam filters available, and our newest security feature, the Sendio Opt-Inbox™, will ensure that any email that gets through was sent by a human with the express intention of having a real conversation. How do we do it? With multiple layers of emails security and a whole lotta love. We promise that, with Sendio, you’ll be able to separate the good emails from the bad, with nary a false positive to be found.
And we’re sure we don’t have to tell you how bad a false positive can be. Can you imagine expecting a letter from Former Prime Minister Trudeau only to find that it was caught in a spam filter along the way, lost forever, a sacrifice to the heathen gods of undelivered correspondence? Sure, the former prime minister will wait, and wait, and wait for your reply… but it will never come.
We implore you, don’t let this happen to you Mr. President. Instead, switch to Sendio to make sure that you’re inbox is safe, secure and receiving the emails you really want.
Of course, we can’t promise that the NSA will never make an attempt to read your emails ever again. But we also can’t promise that they won’t use their high-tech, x-ray vision to laser right through your personally monogrammed envelopes and read that slightly off-white, watermarked, 110 pound, smooth, matte cardstock. (Which is super nice by the way, you mind letting us in on your stationery dealer?)
The only condolence we can offer is that if you switch to Sendio, we can assure you that every email you send will make it to its destination, and you’ll receive every email you want. Heck, if you decide to check us out we’ll even offer a 30 day risk-free trial. (Alright, so that one’s for everyone. We’re democratic in that way.)
Want to truly fly under the radar? At this point you might consider a carrier pigeon. However, if you’d like to join the rest of us on the internet, we’ll be waiting with a handshake and the best email security that you can get.
Sincerely,
Sendio
